I'm playing golf this morning, so I thought I would bore you with some golf tips. I don't play nearly as much as I used to, but after 47 years you would think I'd have it down. Well, you'd be somewhat correct. While the parts about a good swing and low scores have eluded me, other aspects of the game I have down to an exact science.

What I am about to explain is no secret to my golf buddies. These are rules and strategies that we have adhered to for years that have kept the game enjoyable and in perspective. We have dubbed them the Axioms of Golf.

Axiom #1: First and foremost, always ride in a golf cart. Never, ever walk. Golf is not exercise. Golf is an outing. When you ride in a golf cart, the worst that can happen during a round is that you had a pleasant drive through the countryside.

Axiom #2: The most difficult aspect of golf is to know when to start drinking. All golfers go to the course with the notion they will play well and have a good round. The problem is, this rarely happens. So, there comes a point in each round when the smart thing to do is to just give it up. This is when you break out the beer and just enjoy the remainder of the outing in the countryside.

Axiom #3: It's always winter. Golf has this thing called Winter Rules that say it is ok to improve your lie in the fairway. You should be so focused on Axiom #2, that it's far too difficult to keep track of the seasons. Therefore, it's always acceptable to improve your lie.

Axiom #4: Floating Mulligans. The tradition of casual golf allow for a Mulligan on the first hole. A Mulligan is taking a second tee shot if the first one didn't turn out to your liking. First of all, one's not enough. You need at least two. Second, restricting it to just the tee shot on the first hole is stupid. Floating Mulligans allow you take any shot over, anywhere. It is important to negotiate the number of Floating Mulligans at the beginning of the round. Otherwise, you risk controversy.

Axiom #5: The ATPR. The ATPR is the Automatic Two Putt Rule. When we reach the green, the chances our ball is anywhere near the hole are usually slim. If you don't put some kind of limit on the putts, you could be there all day. Considering how most people study their putts like they were taking final exams, this only makes for good golf etiquette.

Axiom #6: Ignore OB. Unless Out of Bounds (OB) is over a cliff or in some area you deem to possibly have snakes, ignore the OB stakes and go ahead and take your shot. Word of Warning - Sometimes OB is in someone's flowerbed, In these cases, the Muskrat Rule is in effect. Make sure you have a designated lookout.

Axiom #7: Aim for Shade. In Texas and any other place that tends to produce sweltering heat, the object of each shot should be to find shade. It is possible on almost every par 4 and greater to find a suitable place in the shade with a reasonable and unobstructed shot at the green. This tactic adds to the overall enjoyment of the golf outing.

Corollary to Axiom #7: Avoid courses without lots of trees.

Axiom #8: Cart Golf. When sharing a cart, it is the responsibility of the second player to hit to observe the cart partner's shot and try to hit their shot in the same vacinity. This may be one of the least important overall axioms, but it does make things a bit easier and helps to avoid the annoyance of having the marshall come by and telling you to speed it up.

Axiom #9: Cultivate the Zing. While it's perfectly acceptable to acknowledge a good shot, it is equally important to let someone know when they suck. However, you must exercise caution. Especially in realtion to Axiom #2. You don't want anyone getting really mad at you, so the object is to insult them with witty banter. For example, after observing a bad tee shot in a Florida Scramble, you might say "That's all right. We need putters too.".

I have to stop now or I'll be late for my tee time. There are more axioms and maybe I will continue this thread at a later date. But for now, these are some of the important ones that will help maximize your enjoyment of the game of golf.